Tell me what you really think – just not all the time

“So, can I ask – was it looks or personality?”

Talk about being put on the spot. A few months before I decided to move to London I was living in Melbourne and internet dating pretty regularly. Among the weirdos I met plenty of nice guys, some I quite liked the vibe of but never heard from again (a form of ‘ghosting’ I believe they call it?), and many others who just didn’t do it for me, I didn’t find them attractive, there was no ‘zing’, no ‘something-something’ that made me excited about the prospect of seeing them again.

This was one of those guys. The reason his text message springs to mind? This story which you have no doubt come across in the past week or so, about Londoner Michelle Thomas’s quite nice Tinder date, and the quite unnecessary rejection essay she received afterwards from the guy who basically told her she was perfect in so many ways, but just too overweight for him.

“..So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God…I really, really am), I can’t say the same about your figure.” 

That may very well be the case and if a woman’s weight is the deal breaker for you that’s totally fine – we all have something that’s on our ‘must-have/be’ list – but when there are so many kinder ways to ‘pass’ on someone and decide not to see them again, why on earth would you say something so damn obviously hurtful?

From Michelle’s story on Mashable: While Thomas says there is no shame in having preferences when it comes to who you date, the problem is “when you make those preferences someone else’s problem.”

I think the fact that Michelle is essentially the same size as me, a 14, makes this dude’s response even more ridiculous to me. So many women are this size, it’s a national average. And many of us are blessed with genes that mean we couldn’t turn our bodies into beanpoles even if we tried.

So what did I say in response to my internet date’s rather confronting question as to why I was choosing to pass on a follow up date with him?

“Neither actually. I’m just not feeling the right level of enthusiasm.”

Avoiding the question, sure. But the answer satisfied my rejected date and I hope he has since gone on to find someone who does find both his looks and personality perfect.

Michelle has started a new movement called Happy, Healthy, Hot.

You can check out her website here.

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Where have you been?!

I swear if one more person asked me that at the gym the other night I may have actually successfully taken them down – I ONLY TOOK ONE WEEK OFF GUYS! But ok, I have had to ditch the two-classes-per-week goal of late thanks to a sore knee and back. One class a week is still better than none, right? It just means that no one really seems to remember you still train. 😀

I am happy to report that while the BJJ training has been lacking, other aspects of London life have been full-on in mostly fantastic ways.. I’m starting a new job soon – just after Easter in fact and I am looking forward to it so, so much.  My new dream career took a bit longer to manifest in this city than I anticipated and while I have had a blast in the random occupations I have found myself in, I am definitely ready to feel back on track and placing my feet firmly on the rungs of what I feel is now the right career ladder for me.

Before the new job kicks in though I will be making a pretty special Easter trip over to Malta. Special not for the time of year, (although I will no doubt be attending multiple church services..) but because my beloved Nanna will be there, having come all the way over from Australia for what is likely to be her last visit to her home country. It has been 18 months since I last saw her so I can’t wait to give her a big hug and soak up all the family time, along with lots of sun. (*Update, apparently I’m deluded thinking there will be sun in Malta over Easter. Sooooo I suppose I pack a weatherproof jacket instead of swimmers. *sigh*)

There has also been a pretty amazing guy in my life over the past few months and I am enjoying that relationship immensely. After spending the majority of my late twenties single and dating prolifically, it’s such a joy to click with someone and be as wrapped up in them as they seem to be in you.

And he trains so, you know – bonus points!

With Nanna and Nannu at my 'leaving for London' party... golly back in 2013, how did THAT happen?!
With Nanna and Nannu at my ‘leaving for London’ party… golly back in 2013, how did THAT happen?!

Done & Dusted

Well, I have successfully completed my dating-for-charity challenge – who knew dating could be so exhausting?!

You can catch up on dates 4 and 5 here and here, and find out if I hit the dating jackpot.

Meantime on the BJJ front, there hasn’t been any for two weeks. It is KILLING me. Blame the new job and all the clunky long hours that go with it. I think I have a handle on things now though, so it’s comeback time tomorrow night.

God help me… so unfit. Well and truly time to reverse that Heathrow injection!

 

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Can This Date Be Beat?

*Not BJJ related

Date three of my Five in Five challenge was pretty fabulous. Dudes, simple gestures can make such a great impression!

I’m now halfway into week four with a tentative date scheduled for the weekend, crossing fingers it happens! I think I need to get this sign working for real and lock in a backup date, just in case..

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Photo: Birdman Foxglove Photography

Date Two, Woohoo!

*Not BJJ related

Second date done for Five In Five – on a roll, having a blast and have raised $241 for charity. My target is $250, quite small but it’s definitely a challenge trying to drum up support from the other side of the world. I’m so happy to have raised as much as I have so far, thanks to mum & dad for a nice chunk of that. 😉

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I’m meeting some lovely dudes, too. It feels great to get out there and be proactive on the romance front. 

I am a little worried I won’t have enough London connections to come up with the five dates in five weeks.. what’s with most people I know only knowing attached or gay dudes?! 

Comes with the late-twenties territory I suppose!

First Date Down!

*Another non-BJJ related post – if you’d like to read about my Five in Five dating adventures, you can do so here. And if you’d like to support my campaign which is raising funds for three Australian charities, you can do that here and expect a HUUUUUUGE virtual hug and maybe even a big sloppy computer kiss, from me! 

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Will Date For Charity (and myself)

*Not BJJ related, but I am up for a BJJ related date!

A bit of shameless self promotion all for a good cause. In a nutshell, I’m dating for charity. Three Australian non-profit organisations in fact that help fight homelessness and poverty. I’m dating for me too, mind you – maybe I’ll have better luck in London!

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Photo: Birdman Foxglove Photography

Five in Five is an annual event that signs up singles to go on five dates in five weeks, raising funds along the way. I took part in 2012 and my mum (among others!) sponsored me $10 per date. She was quite excited just to see me dating. I had six very lovely dates over the five weeks, one guy I saw again but it didn’t go anywhere. “Just not feeling the zing” seems to be my frequent reasoning for pulling up stumps.

But you’ve got to feel some kind of connection, right?

Lining up five dates (no dating sites/hook up apps allowed!) is a tad harder when you’re away from your main friendship/colleague pool, but through some new friends I’ve made in the capital I already have a few date leads, and am going on my first one tomorrow. He has chosen a really cool location, I’m pretty excited.

If you’re interested, you’ll be able to read about my dating adventures on TNT Magazine‘s website – they’ve given me a column! Carrie Bradshaw eat your heart out! (I wasn’t a SATC fan mind you).

And if you’d like to support three incredibly worthwhile charities in Whitelion, Kids Under Cover and St Kilda Gatehouse, you can do so here. 

I’m still looking for a couple more dates and suggestions of things to do in London on said dates.. trying to get away from the usual dinner or a drink, so would love your ideas.

P.S Was paired up with a very encouraging and helpful brown belt in BJJ class yesterday. Oh the thrill!