Tell me what you really think – just not all the time

“So, can I ask – was it looks or personality?”

Talk about being put on the spot. A few months before I decided to move to London I was living in Melbourne and internet dating pretty regularly. Among the weirdos I met plenty of nice guys, some I quite liked the vibe of but never heard from again (a form of ‘ghosting’ I believe they call it?), and many others who just didn’t do it for me, I didn’t find them attractive, there was no ‘zing’, no ‘something-something’ that made me excited about the prospect of seeing them again.

This was one of those guys. The reason his text message springs to mind? This story which you have no doubt come across in the past week or so, about Londoner Michelle Thomas’s quite nice Tinder date, and the quite unnecessary rejection essay she received afterwards from the guy who basically told her she was perfect in so many ways, but just too overweight for him.

“..So whilst I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality (and God…I really, really am), I can’t say the same about your figure.” 

That may very well be the case and if a woman’s weight is the deal breaker for you that’s totally fine – we all have something that’s on our ‘must-have/be’ list – but when there are so many kinder ways to ‘pass’ on someone and decide not to see them again, why on earth would you say something so damn obviously hurtful?

From Michelle’s story on Mashable: “While Thomas says there is no shame in having preferences when it comes to who you date, the problem is “when you make those preferences someone else’s problem.”

I think the fact that Michelle is essentially the same size as me, a 14, makes this dude’s response even more ridiculous to me. So many women are this size, it’s a national average. And many of us are blessed with genes that mean we couldn’t turn our bodies into beanpoles even if we tried.

So what did I say in response to my internet date’s rather confronting question as to why I was choosing to pass on a follow up date with him?

“Neither actually. I’m just not feeling the right level of enthusiasm.”

Avoiding the question, sure. But the answer satisfied my rejected date and I hope he has since gone on to find someone who does find both his looks and personality perfect.

Michelle has started a new movement called Happy, Healthy, Hot.

You can check out her website here.